Communication - SONG OF THE WEEK - Jan. 6-12, 2008 = TWO LESS LONELY PEOPLE + AIR SUPPLY

======================= =========================== What do you really want to know? FIRST OF ALL IN MOST CASES, THE SONGS ON THIS PAGE REPRESENTS WHO I AM!!!! IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ME LISTEN CAREFULLY!! This is for the people that may be looking at this profile and know who I am but don’t really know me. (I will edit from time to time, but for now take the grammar and typos as they are because I am writing this straight through my thought process) Doug’s Life Story: I was born in a Christian home, my father a Freewill Baptist preacher and a loving mother. I am the only boy of three (3) children and wouldn’t you know I would be in the middle. Although I don’t remember a whole lot about my youth, I do remember some things that I wish I could forget. I was about 7 years of age, when I stayed all night with my cousin, we will call him Ed. I remember the first time it happened like it was yesterday. I remember my aunt and cousin was sleeping in the other bed beside us. I felt comfortable until it began to happen. Then I felt pain….I tried to hollow but Ed held my mouth shut. I remember smelling alcohol on his breath so clear. I really didn’t know what was happening but I knew it felt wrong. I never told anyone about that night but I didn’t ever want to stay again. In time I had to stay, I remember crying and begging my parents not to leave me. (Now let me make this clear, my parents had no clue what was going on, they loved me and would have protected me, but like many young people in this situation I did not give them the chance to help. I was ashamed and felt it was my fault.) Well this time he took me in to a different room, his mother and sister in the house, his father had died when he was a child, BTW did I leave it out, and he was about 19 years old. (Sorry) Well this continued for about two (2) years until I told him I was going to tell if it ever happened again. Then it stopped! When I was 16 years old, I wanted so much to die, I tried to commit suicide. I remember how God sent an angel my way during that time in my life. Her name was Nancy. She drove my bus and all she spoke about was Gods power and mercy. She invited me to church at Mike Ryans in Honaker. At the time I didn’t know who Mike Ryan was and to this day I don’t know much about him, but something unusual happened to me that night something great. A feeling I never felt before and may never again. I left there changed in a way I couldn’t understand. All I do know at that moment I wanted to live. Shortly after a friend of mine stayed over all night with me one night, I didn’t know that he was bi or gay. I didn’t really know I was either. I dated some girls, but I knew things were different with me, but I thought that was because of what I went through earlier with my cousin. Anyway, we camped outside in the yard and things began to happen. After that night I questioned was this normal, I mean my cousin, now my best friend. We were together several times, and then I put a stop to it. I felt it was not the way I wanted my life, I wanted children and a wife and to go to church. I was so confused and tormented about who I was and where my life was going. I was back and forth in church because I had been raised to believe this lifestyle was wrong in the site of God, but the lifestyle was beginning to be more and more a driving force in my life. I was so confused I was introduced to drugs and alcohol. That took away the pain for a while but it was something I didn't want to get hooked on at all. I thank God for that, but again I felt my only way out was suicide and the only reason I didn’t was my mom, she was my life, I couldn’t hurt her even if it meant I lived my life in pain and confusion. Well years past and I thought I met someone that understood me and I fell in love. We dated for over a year and I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend (Jason). Jason was the only guy locally that I knew that I could talk too. We never done anything with each other, it was just friendship and that was it. To say the least I was devastated, I gave this guy everything I had (my heart), soul, and mind and he took it all and crushed it like it meant nothing to him. I went into a deep depression and before I knew it or even thought about it I took over 60 sleeping pills. Thank God my friend Brad and Lisa came by the house to check on me or I know I would have been dead because ever time I remembered waking up I took more pills. When I did come too Lisa was holding me in her arms with a cold towel to my head. She stayed several days with me to make sure I was ok. I hardly left the house for about 6 months and when I did, it was go take care of what I needed to and back again. I wanted to get out of this lifestyle so much, I didn’t understand how God could do this to me. So I got back in church again whole heartily. I was going to pray and fast that God would remove this from my life. I went to Church that time for about 4 years, it was a Pentecostal church where God was suppose to form miracles. I knew I needed one. Well I did stay out of the gay lifestyle during this period and tried again to date a girl. She was a Christian girl and she loved me very much, I could tell. I tried to love her back but it was obvious I couldn’t do it. I prayed for the love but it never came. The only feeling I could have is friendship. I hurt her so much when I couldn’t return the feelings for her. I swore after that I would never get another girl involved in my messed up life. It just wasn’t fair to them and I came to the conclusion that I had to accept who I am. I remember the last night I went to church, mind you I felt I had done everything in my power to move toward Gods love and I tried to do everything I could to put myself where God could move in my life. It just never happened the way I thought it would. The last night at church, something just came over me, I felt so strong that God made me who I am, I didn’t ask to be this way, I don’t want to be this way. You may not understand this statement but I will say it anyways, I can’t control who I can or can not fall in love with. If I could control it do you even for a second think that I would have put myself through the heart ache, confusion, attacks, people talking, and all the negative comments about this lifestyle. I don’t believe any person would purposely ask for these things. I now do believe God made me who I am today and I am going to accept it. The way I figure it one of two things will happen in my life. Either I accept it and try to find a good, honest person to spend my life with or I don’t and eventually I will follow through with the act of killing myself. I take the first, at least then I can say if God send me to hell for that, he is sending me to hell for something I can’t control and no matter what you believe I just can’t see the God I know doing that. In closing I thank God I am not a drunk, a drug attic, or worse. Many people that was molested as a child will either kill themselves, use alcohol to cover the pain, or they become hooked on drugs. What I wish I could tell all the parents is to listen to your children, I eventually told my parents what had happened to me after Ed (my Cousin) killed himself, overdosed or whatever. They didn’t understand why I didn’t tell them when it happened. Remember many kids will not say a word, parents have to look for the signs. The sign I gave was begging my parents not to leave me with him. Now if you know who I am and you just don’t understand this I will say: It’s not about sex, but about a companion. You may not understand and usually people fears what they can’t understand. I am the same person inside. The lifestyle has a taboo reputation, believe me I am not apart of that type lifestyle. If you were my friend before you read this, you will continue to be a friend if you were not then it shouldn’t matter anyways. ================================================== Now about me and my life: I live in Southwest Virginia. I love snow skiing, camping, walking, relaxing at home watching a movie, etc. God is a part of my life and I am proud of that fact. I enjoy making new friends but don't bring drama into my life. I have enough to worry about keeping myself in check. I will say, this web site is more for me than anything or anyone. I like keeping track of these songs on one page. If you think we could become friends please email me at .. Btw: I am not looking for anything sexual. ================================================== PLEASE READ PLEASE READ - Posted 1/5/08 ================================================== And remember this...never say i love you, if you don't really care...never talk about feelings, if they aren't really there...never touch a life, if you mean to break a heart...never say you're going to, if you don't plan to start...never look me in the eye, when all you do is lie...never say hello, if you really mean good-bye." ================================================== How you two click... According to Dr. Helen Fisher our Chief Scientific Advisor Builders aren’t casual about dating - they both respect values, tradition, loyalty and rules. With their excellent and similar social skills, as well as their mutual goals, they will build a close network of friends. If you’re looking for someone to introduce to your family, they’re your ideal. ================================================== ================================================== MATTHEW SHEPARD TRIBUTE

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THE BROKEN ROAD - SONG OF THE WEEK DEC. 23-29, 2007

======================= =========================== And remember this...never say i love you, if you don't really care...never talk about feelings, if they aren't really there...never touch a life, if you mean to break a heart...never say you're going to, if you don't plan to start...never look me in the eye, when all you do is lie...never say hello, if you really mean good-bye." ==================================================